i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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