ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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