Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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