so that wasnt chicken after all
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
