someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
