I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize