Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
