Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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