I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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