At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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