Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
