I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
