It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
