I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
