Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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