She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
