fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
