Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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