she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
two words...techno handjob
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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