You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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