There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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