Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
