I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
