My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize