We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
