You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
