I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
