I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just pynch a tree in the face
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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