When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
