Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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