Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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