its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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