I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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