you guys were way drunker than both of me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You pole danced in your parka.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They are going to name an STD after you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
