Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
