I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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