Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
