It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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