Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
