Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
