she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
ttyl tear gas
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
