True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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