Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
