Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
