I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
