was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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