i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
