you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
