Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
