Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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