Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
