Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
