i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
