Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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