9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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