I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
