im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
