You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
