I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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