we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
