I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
