Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
