Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
