The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
