Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry about my life...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
