you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize