My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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