There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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