We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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