Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
