Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
