She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
